It's Not a Cult, It's a Religion

The Fifteenth of August Two Thousand and Eleven. Monday.

Friends, Hello.

My name is Doctor Vin Marsden Hendrick and I'd like to do a lot more.

A lot more than simply introduce myself to you. I'd like to introduce 'you' to VINETICS!

And this is my point.

I'm going to do that which I have said I would like to do.

Has this rung any mental bells within your telephone box heads? Let me throw in my ten pennies' worth. Let's make a connection.

Let me tell you about the Modern Thought Science that is VINETICS!

It's difficult to say exactly when VINETICS! as a concept came into existence.

With a sock in your mouth.

It would sound something like 'wn fhntks s uh knspt hmm ntu hgsstns'.

Yes, a simple sock, usually a barrier between the warm, fleshy domain of the foot and the harsh, hibernal world of the shoe/floor hinterface. But today it was a barrier between my desire to communicate something a bit spesh to you, and the resident actuality  of you understanding and appreciating that something in mouth-to-ear terms.

And this is the very essence of VINETICS! Or it would be if that hadn't been merely an example.

VINETICS! was born of humanity's base desire to communicate within itself in an untainted, 'barefoot' fashion.

VINETICS! was founded upon three fundamental precepts. That:


A) Everything is True;

B) Nothing is Important; and

C) Nobody Knows Anything




By way of an introduction to VINETICS!  I would like to touch upon the thinking - or as I prefer to call it, the 'braining' - behind each of these precepts here tonight.

Please, let me.

A) Everything is True

Subjectivity, by its very nature, its very big nature, requires a subject. This could be Math, English, Phys Ed or Science. In my case it is VINETICS!

But does this mean that VINETICS! should be taught in schools?

Ah ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha...

Thank you. Maybe one day.

Or a weekend.

And it is that very word 'OR' that concerns us - and by 'us' I mean 'me'. If, and only if, there is an 'OR' in the month then both a possibility and its attendant IMpossibility co-exist.

It is then the province, nay the duty, of the VINETICist to 'mine' this 'OR'. And through a recursive process of synaptic 'smelting' refine the 'OR' until subjectivity - what I like to think of as 'other peoples' wrong ideas' - is reduced to a lying slag.

Like Mary Whitehouse, I object. I, Clavdivs, I, Robot, I, Object.

And from such a state of pan-objectivity it is but a huge Armstrongian leap to the preceptive absolitude that 'Everything is True'.

B) Nothing is Important

It was my intention to go into this in minute detail, but then I decided that it wasn't really worth it.

Finally,

C) Nobody Knows Anything

The brain is now in the head. That is where we use it, through the process of 'braining'.

But what if the brain were in the stomach?

According to VINETICS! since Everything is True the brain is in the stomach.

Fortunately though, since Nothing is Important, this doesn't matter.

In such a case, as well as 'gut feelings' perhaps - and by 'perhaps' I mean 'certainly' - we would have 'gut thinking' or 'gut braining' too.

But not in the biblical sense.

If the brain is in the stomach and nobody knew that, it requires only a £500 per annum subscription to my self-help VINETICS! course to go that little further and realise that, in fact, Nobody Knows Anything.

That concludes my little introduction to VINETICS!

In less enlightened times we might have been burned as witches for having this discussion. I cannot tell you what a pleasure  it is for me to discover that today those flames of hypocrisy and deceit merely form the 'fireside' by which you and I can have a 'chat'.

If anyone is finding out more about VINETICS! we are holding a convention - the 'Braining Integration Gestalt' Convention or BIG-CON for short - at the Ramada Renaissance Hotel in Manchester on July 15th. Hopefully, I will see some of you there.

Thank You and Good Bye.