We'll Win the Fight (Then Go Out for Pizzas)

The Thirteenth of September Two Thousand and Fifteen. Sunday.

I remember the exact moment that Steven Universe became my second favourite television series, deftly accelerating past Columbo. (I suppose that means I'd better induct it as my Twenty-First Telly Recommendation). Like a lot of animated shows, there had been a slow drip feed of new episodes, so Cartoon Network had taken to using a 'Steven Bomb' - a week's worth of episodes shown after a long gap from the last lot. 'Steven Bomb 2' took place in June.

Hold on. I'd better do a quick introduction to what I'm talking about (I always forget to do that). Steven Universe is a Cartoon Network show created by Rebecca Sugar, an animator probably best know for her work on Adventure Time. She's also a songwriter and responsible for some of the best tunes from that series. Which explains why Sugar managed to crack one of the most important facets of any TV series - the theme music. Since I seem to be making arbitrary lists at the mo, I'll go so far as to say Steven Universe has the Third Best theme in television. That's the music that plays over the end credits. The First Best is Doctor Who (obvs). The Second Best is Steven Universe's opening theme.

Steven Universe follows a well-worn path for an adventure serial. Essentially we join the story in the middle. Steven is a young boy who lives with three magical beings: Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl - the Crystal Gems of the song. It's quickly established that they fight threats to humanity - so far, so super-hero. We discover that Steven is half-gem. His earthly father fell in love with a fourth Gem, Rose Quartz. We're joining Steven at a familiar point in a familiar story - a would-be hero growing up to fulfil their destiny. There are early hints as to the history that led us to this point and subtle set-ups for stories to come, but the first few episodes are about introducing the characters and establishing the world of Beach City where Steven lives.

The format is the usual Cartoon Network one of 11 minute episodes, like Adventure Time, Gumball and Regular Show and we're now about 70 episodes in to what has unravelled to be a complex story with lots of twists and surprises. A quick scoot on a Wiki or two would reveal everything but I'm going to ask you to trust me and start at the beginning. All the episodes are available at the World of Steven Universe. It doesn't take too long before you see how bit by bit the story is beginning to build and build.

And the songs! Funny, clever, heartbreaking and sometimes just flat out awesome (sorry for using that word, but it really is the most appropriate). They're beautifully arranged too. The makers of the show post lots of behind the scenes material and it's fascinating hearing the demos of the songs and comparing them to the finished versions. There are links to downloads on the World of Steven Universe site.

Here's a one of the lighter ones that isn't too spoilerific. From the episode 'Giant Woman' it's called, er, 'Giant Woman'.

The goat is called 'Steven Junior', by the way.

Anyway, I can't be too specific about why this strange cartoon is so fabulous without going into details that would spoil the story, so I'll just vaguely allude to such things as love, feels, female sexuality, parenthood, 8 bit videogaming, anime, self-worth and breakfast. And the fact that that brilliant end music I mentioned develops as the first season progresses, matching the intensity of the episodes that lead up to the superb finale before serving up a sweet sucker punch right after you've already been on an emotional rollercoaster.

So anyway, 'Steven Bomb 2' was airing. I'd starting getting episodes on US iTunes so they came with subtitles so No2 son could enjoy them more fully. We were about to watch the first of those episodes 'Sworn to the Sword' round at his house, so I was connecting my iPad to his telly. I set it off before switching on the subtitles and paused it as it was a second into the theme song. We all called out excitedly 'New titles!' and No1 son started berating me for my tech incompetence and interrupting the purity of this thrilling moment.

It reminded me of when, as a young man, I had been round at my best man's house when the new series of the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon started. There was an exciting new title sequence then too, followed by a brilliant, confident episode with all the characters well-established and flying (the episode was 'The Girl Who Dreamed Tomorrow' if you're wondering).

That's how I felt as this ep unfolded. It is a soaring, fabbo installment with the rare treat of two great songs in it. And as it closed Columbo politely moved out of the way.

More soonliest.

Tramalot Part VII

The Twenty-Second of July Two Thousand and Fifteen. Wednesday..

Onto the final furlong.

The Ashton Line

PICCADILLY GARDENS

'The song of the plants,' cried Chase. 'I composed it myself.'

 No green cathedrals to play in at these gardens. But even though it's mainly concrete, remember - no touch pod.


PICCADILLY

The automated voice ground on. 'There is no return. This is your Terminus.'

 Bit of a misnomer, this one. Yes, Piccadilly is a terminus, and used to be for the trams too. But there are through platforms. And nowadays the trams go through too...


NEW ISLINGTON

Cotton looked uneasily round the misty jungle. Ky could be anywhere out there, waiting to spring...

 There's a character called Cotton in this, and here we are next to the old mill in the heart of Cottonopolis. His partner was called Stubbs and there's a Stubbs Mill here too. Next door to the Cotton Field eco-park.


HOLT TOWN

'Halt, or you will be destroyed,' roared the Cyber Lieutenant.

 Heh. Even on this last leg there are some poor ones. This is just a good line to shout out in 80s Cyber voice so what the hey. I couldn't find a story with badgers in. I think one of the 10th Doctor novels has badger pirates, but I could be mistaken.


ETIHAD CAMPUS

'Have you seen this?' She rustled the paper at the Doctor. A headline 'Meteor approaches England' swam briefly before his eyes. 'Charlton have picked up three points.'

 Charlton played here at least a couple of times before they went down and more recently they were in a play-off here.


VELOPARK

He'd passed his cycling proficiency test, he was sure, but it had been a few centuries back and in a different body with a different centre of balance.

One rule I didn't mention. If it's an adaptation of a partially completed TV story that was never transmitted but had bits released on DVD it has to be an e-book. Back in the howling wastes of the Wilderness Years, this was another story that they made a web adaptation of, starring Paul McGann. I'm delighted that that's still available here.


CLAYTON HALL

'To know that life and death on an enormous scale was within my choice... that the pressure of my thumb breaking the glass of a capsule could end everything... such power would set me among the Gods... yes, I would do it! And through the Daleks I shall have such power!'

   Why? Because it's Genesis of the fucking Daleks, that's why. I pity the poor fools who don't have this in their lives ('Pi-ty?' The word sounded strange in the Dalek voice. 'I have no understanding of the word. It is not registered in my vocabulary bank.'). It's so good I did a preliminary pic with it at home base with a different edition.

It came out on LP, that's how good it is.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Genesis of the Daleks.


EDGE LANE

Ian noted with wry amusement that, although all these machines were undoubtedly centuries ahead of his own understanding, they still retained, with their elaborate brass fittings and antiquated pistons and levers, all the magical Edwardian splendour of a Heath Robinson mechanism, as though the Doctor had imprinted his own fascination with the Edwardian era onto his machine.

 Even in 1988, when this novelisation of a story from 24 years previous was published, Doctor Who was rewriting its past. The scene above never featured in the original TV version. Doctor Who has always stuck its tongue out at the idea of canon. Which is the definitive version? The earliest? The most detailed? The first version you saw or read? The restored and recoloured version? Telesnaps or animation? Extended 'movie' version or original TV edit? Let me settle this once and for all. I consider a story 'canon' if it has - bzzt! Bzzt! (signal lost due to Blinovitch Limitation Effect).


CEMETERY ROAD

It served in many campaigns: Pa Jass-Gutrik, the war of vengeance against the Movellans; Pa Jaski-Thal, the liquidation war against the Thals; and Pa Jass-Vortan, the time campaign - the war to end all wars.

The Special Weapons Dalek. I know it had a cameo in Asylum of the Daleks, but it's well overdue a return appearance. No 2 son pointed out that there was a modern version on the cover of Engines of War, which I hadn't noticed.

Cor.


DROYLSDEN

'I'll have a pint.' 'A pint of what, sir?' asked Morgan patiently. 'A pint of ginger pop!'

 Everyone know that androids come from Droylsden. That's right, isn't it?


AUDENSHAW

The tallest raised its hand in a pointing gesture. The hand dropped away on its hinge to reveal a gun nozzle.

 And Autons come from Audenshaw. With Liz Shaw! Oh yes!


ASHTON MOSS

'Kroll couldn't tell the difference between you and me and half an acre of dandelion and burdock - it's all food, and that's all that interests him.'

 I'm sure there's no end of moss on the swamp world of Delta Three.


ASHTON WEST

Ashton smiled coldly. 'Then goodbye. I do hope you avoid the Slyther on your way back.'

 Nothing too cryptic here. Ashton was the black marketeer at the Dalek mine. Check out that cover illustration. Movie references on the novelisation of the TV episodes. What was I saying about canon?


ASHTON-UNDER-LYNE

A thin, crimson tongue of lava gently licked over the volcano's peak.

 You get ash with a volcano, don't you? Logar be praised!

And that's it! I started at six in the morning and finished at half-ten at night. What a day that was. I'll add Exchange Square to the collection when it opens in the winter, but for now I think that's it. I don't think I'm going to try anything like this on any of the other tram systems in the UK - they don't have the local connection that the Metrolink has. Bit disappointed I was poorly on Saturday - I wanted to have a bit of a jolly on the Croydon trams (free with my pass) but I was a out of it and went to bed instead. Mind you, there's only 38 stops on that line. Maybe when Wimbledon re-opens.

Next tram-related nonsense: The new Nottingham lines when they open later this year.

More soonliest.

Tramalot Part VI

The Twenty-First of July Two Thousand and Fifteen. Tuesday.

I came back down the Bury Line and got off at Queens Road. I then took a short walk to the first station on the penultimate line of my trip around the trams.

The Rochdale Line


MONSALL

'Doctor, the shaking and the groaning have stopped.' The Doctor smiled sympathetically. 'Have they? Good. I'm so glad you are feeling better now, my dear.'

 Hah! I can't for the life of me remember why I chose The Rescue for Monsall. I remember it had something to do with the Monsal Trail and Haddon Hall but I can't remember what. I think it might have been that Eva Haddon was in the Radio 4 spoof Whatever Happened to Susan Foreman? and that's kind of what they were wondering in this story. Was that it? It had got to four in the morning by the time I'd got this all organised. Everything was a blur.


CENTRAL PARK

'A gateway?' said Romana. 'But what kind of gateway?'

 This station is on a road called The Gateway. Easy as that.


NEWTON HEATH AND MOSTON

Not far away, in his attic laboratory at the Newton Institute, Professor Thascalos held a trident-shaped crystal aloft.

 Professor Thascalos, eh? Why, that's slightly misspelled Greek for...


FAILSWORTH

The Doctor smiled back at him. 'Oh, what a nice new uniform,' he gushed. 'Smart, very smart. I wish I had one like that.'

 What? Bloomin' John Peel (not that one). He cornered the market in Dalek-related stuff in the nineties (he was the only person who got to write original Dalek novels and he did the Target adaptations) but he would insist on tweaking stuff. I chose The Power of the Daleks for all the hat business Troughton went in for in his early stories - Failsworth is a centre for the production of hats - but Peel has changed the above from the televised line 'I would like a hat like that'. Why would he want a uniform? That doesn't make sense. Hats! He'd want a hat. Sheesh!


HOLLINWOOD

Sarah moved close to the Doctor. 'Listen,' she whispered. 'I saw a Mummy. A walking Mummy!'

 There used to be a manor house called Birchen Bower in Hollinwood, home in the 18th century to an eccentric woman called Hannah Beswick. She was afraid of being buried alive, so upon her death she was mummified rather than interred. She was kept at her doctor's on King Street in Manchester, but returned to Birchen Bower every 21 years. When she was eventually put on display in a museum she was known as The Manchester Mummy. Cool, eh?


SOUTH CHADDERTON

Sarah looked round the quiet street, trying to get her bearings. 'This isn't Hillview Road. It isn't even South Croydon!'

 All right, this one is particularly poor. It's a bit of a stretch to claim that South Chadderton sounds a bit like South Croydon. But Sarah does say that it isn't South Croydon, so that makes it count doesn't it? Hmm? (I was in Croydon this weekend, incidentally).


FREEHOLD

Josiah moved slowly towards Control. 'You basest of creatures! You dare to defy me! I am a man of property!'

 So I suppose a man of property might have a freehold. Author Marc Platt alluding to the Forsyte Saga there.


WESTWOOD

To hear Holliday tell it, life aboard the TARDIS can't have been all candied yams and sassafras at the best of times.

 Wild West. Westwood rather than Eastwood, I suppose (that was another time traveller...)


OLDHAM KING STREET

'We sing in praise of total war, against the Saracen we abhor...'

 The King's Demons is my favourite Doctor Who story. But never mind that right now. Have the Horror Channel just cut the last shot of ep 3 of The Deadly Assassin where Tom's being drowned? Congratulations, Mary Whitehouse. You finally won.


OLDHAM CENTRAL

'The whole lower half of London is called Central City,' he said. 'There hasn't been a London for over four hundred years.'

 I think that's supposed be 'lower half of England'. I think that's what they say in the TV version (haven't checked). It doesn't make sense, 'lower half of London', if there's no London, does it? No sign of The Flash at any rate.


OLDHAM MUMPS

'Their infection will kill every living thing,' he said, almost proudly. 'I thought the local plaque was already doing that.'

 Mumps is a type of plague, isn't it?


DERKER

'As it is well known, malefactors trifle with me at their peril!'

 This is the story where the Doctor says he enjoys fisticuffs and that he taught the Mountain Mauler of Montana. And Derker station is just around the corner from a boxing gym.


SHAW AND CROMPTON

Liz Shaw returned  to the UNIT laboratory, a mug of coffee in each hand.

 There is a Doctor Who companion called Shaw. There isn't one called Crompton.


NEWHEY

Zoe raced across the grass to Doctor Who.

 This war memorial in Newhey is a grade II listed building.

MILNROW

Bells tinkled and cymbals clashed and horns blew as the Ceremonial Snake weaved its way towards the Cave.

 Part of the soundtrack for this story was released as 'Janissary Band'. Why, here it is on Ootoobay!

Janissary bands were the forerunners of the modern brass band and Milnrow has a particularly fab one of these.


KINGSWAY BUSINESS PARK

'You have blundered, Crozier, you have reduced the greatest business brain in the universe to a mere catchere of sea snakes!'

 I don't know if the Mentors of Thoros Beta have visited Rochdale at all, but if they have it would probably be here.


NEWBOLD
 

On a scale of 1 to 12 according to the Shebunken Formula, which was devised by Prof. Igor Shebunken of the University of New Caledonia to measure the destructiveness of international or interplanetary conflict, the Argolin-Foamasi War scored a 10.3, somewhere below total destruction and above the semi-genocidal level.

I just remember The Leisure Hive being described as a bold, new direction. What with the new theme music and titles and what have you. Is that a bit of a stretch? Ah, so what? Big deal.


ROCHDALE RAILWAY STATION

'What's a railway station?' asked the Alzarian. 'A place where one embarks and disembarks from compartments on wheels pulled along those rails by a steam engine.' The Doctor looked along the shimmering rails with nostalgic eyes. 'Rarely on time,' he added.

The TARDIS lands in a railway station! This should happen more often.


ROCHDALE TOWN CENTRE

'People like Clancey - miners and prospectors - were the first men to go out into deep space.'

The home of the Rochdale Pioneers is the perfect place to read about Space Pioneers! And that's the Rochdale line. One more to go....

More soonliest.

Tramalot Part V

The Fifteenth of July Two Thousand and Fifteen. Wednesday.

Off we go again.

The Bury Line

We double back into the city centre before heading North.




ST PETER'S SQUARE

'That wretched square again,' exclaimed Tegan. 'What's happening, Doctor?'

I think this is my favourite photo from the day. I haven't been in the library yet since it reopened. This stop has closed now and won't reopen until next year - a few yards further along. St Peter Davison kept finding himself returning to the square at the centre of Castrovalva due to space warping shenanigans.


MARKET STREET

The sound of gunfire was heard across the Market outside. 'What on earth's going on?' demanded Sir Charles.

 That brilliant bit where Billy Hartnell faces down a War Machine takes place at Covent Garden Market.


SHUDEHILL

'Is it true?' demanded Lexa. 'Did you see this other Doctor?'

 Ah, Lexa was played by the marvellous Jacqueline Hill who was Barbara, one quarter of the original TARDIS crew. That's the 'hill' bit. Not sure what the 'Shude' refers to.


VICTORIA

Victoria watched the Doctor and Jamie disappear inside the TARDIS. It seemed unnatural to her too, the fact that she was not going with them, and large tears began to roll down her cherry-red cheeks.

Wah! Fury from the Deep is where we say goodbye to Victoria. This would be very sad were it not for the fact that it means lovely, lovely Zoe is joining in the very next story.


QUEENS ROAD

'There is nothing "only" about being a female,' said Sarah indignantly. Never mind why they made you Queen - you are the Queen.'

Another deep cut this one. There's a Queen in the story. I don't want to spoil stuff for later on but I do the same thing with a King at another station. Also - documentary transparency and all that (no polar bear enclosure footage here, my friend) - I actually called at this stop after all the others on this line cos I came back to here, got off and walked to Monsall to connect with the Rochdale line.


ABRAHAM MOSS

'That's - Abraham Lincoln!' exclaimed Barbara.'That's what I asked for,' laughed Ian, not quite believing it. 'The Gettysburg Address.'

 Yes, if you're going to faff about in Time, Abraham Lincoln is going to figure at some point (see also Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure). Here it was on that Time Television thing that they got from the Space Museum in the previous adventure.


CRUMPSALL

There's nothing quite like tea and crumpets is there? I feel so much more relaxed.'

Crumpsall always makes me think of crumpets. And why not?


BOWKER VALE

'Fishing requires patience, Peri. I think it was Rassilon who said there a few ways a Time Lord can be more innocently employed than in catching fish.'

 I am reliably informed that Bowker Vale is a good spot for catching carp. No gumblejacks, though.


HEATON PARK

'Six?' Even the Doctor was astonished. Six suns - on Pluto?'

 The Sunmakers -  Heat on. I do apologise. Still, Pluto's all a bit topical, isn't it? After the historic fly-past by the New Horizons probe. Here's a lovely photo.

PRESTWICH

Mike Yates watched her, fascinated. Was he really about to witness a demonstation of real witchcraft, albeit white witchcraft?

 It's not really witchcraft in this story, so it doesn't really matter that it's a misspelled pun. But Damaris Hayman! And the wizard Quiquaequod! I bloomin' love Doctor Who, me.


BESSES O'TH' BARN

'Get on to the police,' said the male creature. 'There's some sort of lizard asleep in my barn.'

 Barn. The connection here is 'Barn'. I love Madame Vastra, but I do wish she had three eyes.


WHITEFIELD

He made a dive for the open doors, and was instantly swallowed up in the dead white nothingness beyond.

The beginning of this story takes place in a big field of white nothingness. White. Field.


RADCLIFFE

The second thing I saw was a glass Dalek! He was resting on a kind of dais and his casing was totally made of glass.

 Well, I chose this one cos, y'know, Rad and radiation like on the post-nuclear wastelands of Skaro. But in the book they talk about chemicals and pollution rather than fallout specifically. That's interesting, isn't it?


BURY

'Frontios "buries its own dead" - that's what they say, isn't it?'

 It's a noun! It's a verb! It's the end of this branch of the Metrolink! Now to head back down to Queens Road and then toddle over to Monsall and the Rochdale line.

More soonliest.