"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it’s a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe."
Lex Luthor
(1986 rates: $1,000,000/hour)
At four in the morning on the Fourteenth of June Two Thousand and Fifteen (Sunday) I sat on the floor of the ancillary bedroom staring at a pile of Doctor Who books, bleary-eyed, knowing I was due in work in less than five hours, thinking "what is the point? Go to bed".
This Sunday, St Peter's Square tram stop in Manchester was closed with a view to demolishing it. They're building a new one, tying in with the new 2nd City Crossing (2CC) but for now the line is closed and the stop is gone. Kaput. I had a notion - I can't remember exactly when - to visit every tram stop on the Metrolink network in one day and if I was going to do it it would have to be on my last free day off before St Peter's Square closed: Monday the 15th. I propped open my eyelids with matchsticks and continued my prep.
"What prep?" I hear you ask. Well, just visiting each stop seemed a bit straightforward. So I determined that the only sensible course of action to take was to ensure I was reading a Doctor Who novelisation in the selfies I intended to take at each stop. But this was not something that could be done willy-nilly. There had to be rules...
The Rules
The basic unit of currency would be the novelisation - book adaptations of classic series television stories. There should be some sort of connection between the book and the stop where the photo was taken, however vague. If a connection couldn't be found, then a 'joker' could be used - a novelisation of something other than a televised story. It had to be a novelisation, though - not an original novel.
But I was going to start in Eccles so I thought I'd break that rule straight away.
The Eccles Line
ECCLES
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| 'You see?' said the Doctor triumphantly. 'Scratch the surface and there's usually something going on underneath. Fantastic!' He seized a handful of Rose's chips and stuffed them in his mouth. |
There was no way I was going to overlook the opportunity to include the Salfordian Doctor, who happened to be called Eccleston, in a book written by a Salfordian author who I went to school with. But that's the only one. Honest.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have to point out I actually started at the nearest stop to my Mam and Dad's, Weaste, and then got off at Ladywell to go to the McDonald's for a breakfast wrap, hash browns and coffee and then walked to Eccles.
LADYWELL
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| Lady Eleanor's eyes gleamed. 'You will mix a potion and poison the dog?' |
June (Dot Cotton) Brown played a Lady in this story. I told you some of the links were vague. There'll be vaguer still before we finish.
WEASTE
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| The Doctor grinned. 'Romana, you're wonderful.' 'I suppose I am. I've never really thought about it!' |
The working title for State of Decay was The Wasting, and Weaste is derived from the wastes where the village was founded. Disappointed I couldn't find the 'The Wasting is... the Wasting' quote from the TV version. I think Terrance probably excised that cos it's daft.
LANGWORTHY
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| 'Logopolis is the keystone.' The Monitor's face was ashen. 'If you destroy Logopolis, you unravel the whole causal nexus!' |
There's a community centre in Langworthy called the Cornerstone. That's a bit like a keystone. And Langworthy and Logopolis sound a bit similar. Ish.
BROADWAY
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| Puffing contentedly at his cigar, Jago stood watching in the wings, as Chang moved toward the climax of his act. |
A theatre plays a large part in this story. The stop is called Broadway. Simples.
MEDIACITYUK
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| Scanning around the Punishment Dome through the lenses of his 207 video cameras, Bax considered what best to offer the early morning viewers of Varos. |
Another straightforward link - a story about television at the station where the BBC's Salford studios are located.
HARBOUR CITY
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| 'Ben?' whispered Vince fearfully. 'He be coming back. Coming back for me!' |
Well, the yacht in this doesn't make it to the harbour - it crashes on the titular rock - but it's close enough. I think this is one of only two stories with someone named Vince in them (although bizarrely, the audio description track for Love & Monsters calls Victor Kennedy 'Vincent' (2021 edit: no it doesn't! I've completely Mandela Effected this memory.)
ANCHORAGE
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| 'I'll cast a spell on ye, my pretty death's-head, a spell that'll run from ear to ear!' |
A straightforward one, this. Story about Cornish smugglers, searching for hidden treasure while their ship is anchored off-shore.
SALFORD QUAYS
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| Years of patient scheming had brought Yartek to the threshold of absolute power. |
Salford Quays of Marinus. Genius.
EXCHANGE QUAY
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| It was all rather ridiculous, thought Romana. Like one of those romantic videonovels she'd viewed when she was very young. |
This is one of the Key to Time stories and has an exchange plot reminiscent of the Prisoner of Zenda. Boom!
POMONA
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| 'I don't like Romana,' she objected, panting for breath. The Doctor shrugged. 'It's either that or Fred,' he said. 'I prefer Fred,' she said after a brief pause. 'Good. Come on, Romana,' the Doctor cried, setting off once again. |
I always think of Romana when I pass this stop. That's a good enough reason I believe.
CORNBROOK
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| Trickster and his doll turned and looked wonderingly at each other, as if unable to believe their eyes. |
Erm, the Trickster in this story was played by Lee Cornes. Yes, some of these are that tenuous.
Time to change lines and head toward East Didsbury.
More soonliest.
