I didn't think so at the time and I've had a bit of a think about it since and I am almost certain that this was the one and only time I had been in a pink kitchen.
We'd all shuffled up the narrow stairs that led to the rooms above. There was only a couple of chairs in Nina's 'reading' room so it was decided we'd all go upstairs for a cup of tea. The kitchen was just large enough for all four of us to squeeze in. There weren't enough chairs – in fact the remains of one that I assumed was broken by the troll was tucked away under the table – so everybody stood rather than fight over the couple that were available. We all cupped our mugs in our hands and waited to see who would be first to speak.
'Can I see the Lodestone,' asked Nina.
Amber made to hand over the gift bag that contained it. I stopped her.
'Hang on a minute,' I said. 'How do you know about the Lodestone? And how do we know we can trust you? It's all a bit convenient you being clued up on us and what we're doing. You could be working for them cat demon people.'
'You're the ones who came here,' pointed out Horatio. 'Don't get all nowty with us.'
Nina shushed him. 'It's all right Horatio. That's a fair question.' She put down her tea and held up the palm of her hand.. 'I take it you saw the sign outside the shop? I'm a fortune teller. I just told my own fortune and lo and behold there you were, booked in to arrive about - ' she shot a look at the kitchen clock ' - about three o'clock.' She pointed to a crease at the base of her thumb. 'Annoying know-it-all boy,' then at a line running between her fingers, 'irritating, but cosmically important airhead girl,' and finally she tapped the tip of a finger, 'half-man, half- '
'Hello, anybody there?' Dan's voice echoed up from downstairs.
'Up here, honey!' called Nina. 'The kettle's just boiled.
She turned back toward me. 'As to who I work for...' she pointed at her face. 'Strictly freelance. This palace is paid for out of my own fortune.'
'It's true,' said Horatio. 'I keep offering to find her somewhere better – to help with the money. But she won't have it. Independence is a very big thing with her.'
'The biggest,' said Nina.
'Except when help with trolls is required.'
Nina laughed. 'Except when help with trolls is required. I think that's fair enough, don't you?' And Horatio laughed too.
'Who are you people?' I asked.
'Ohh, life stories later. Let's get on to the interesting stuff.' Nina beckoned to Amber. 'Give us a butcher's at this Lodestone, then.'
Nina took the bag from Amber and removed the Lodestone from its packaging. I'd forgotten how unimpressive it looked, that flimsy frame and the string. I felt a bit embarrassed making all this fuss over it and almost apologised for its appearance. Nina and Horatio, however, were awestruck.
'Is that the Chianti Lodestone?' asked Horatio, his voice a reverent whisper.
Nina shook her head. 'It's a copy – a perfect copy. I didn't know such a thing existed.' She watched the double-arrow at its heart twist within its cradle as she rocked the frame. 'This is some serious Juju here, people.'
'Do you know how to use it?' I asked. 'We're supposed to be looking for something – or things – called the Tabla Rasa Scrolls. We were told this would lead us to them. But it's pointing in two directions. Which is the right one?'
'Tabla Rasa!' exclaimed Nina. 'Blimey! This isn't just “will I be married before I'm 25?” is it? What have you lot got yourself involved in?'
Between us we told the pink pair the story so far. Dan added in the most recent details during his second cuppa.
'I'm sorry about your parents,' said Nina when we'd finished. 'I wish there was something we could do immediately. But there aren't any short cuts once you start on one of these quest scenarios. You've got to find what you're looking for, go through some sort of confrontation and probably learn a lesson or two along the way.' She smiled. 'There's a lot of personal growth involved.'
Amber snorted. 'I'm not learning nothing.'
'I think that's a safe bet,' I said.
Nina picked up the Lodestone. 'This is a very powerful alchemical tool. Switched on and with the right knowledge it can be used for all sorts of transmutative gubbins. Even on 'standby' it's giving off loads of mystical noise and fall out.'
'Switch your magic off, never leave it on 'standby',' said Horatio. 'It's a right waste of energy even when it's doing nothing.'
'Quite right,' agreed Nina. 'But one of the side-effects of that fall out is that it will always point toward the most powerful magic in its same plane of existence.'
'Or dimension,' added Horatio.
'Or postcode,' finished Nina. 'It's that property of the Lodestone that gives it its name.'
'And the Scrolls are the most powerful?' I asked.
'The Scrolls are the most powerful. The capacity to completely erase certain aspects of Creation? Oh yeah...'
'Stuff this, I just want to rescue Mum and Dad,' said Amber.
'So do I,' I said. 'But this is all a bit heavy duty.' I looked at Nina. 'You're more clued up on the likes of alchemy and trolls. Wouldn't you – or someone like you – be better suited to this? I mean, isn't there some sort of magical police we could phone up?'
Nina and Horatio exchanged a knowing glance.
'There is at that,' said Horatio, 'but I'm afraid they wouldn't listen to you and they certainly wouldn't listen to us. We're a bit persona non grata in magical circles.'
'It's up to you, gang,' said Nina. 'Try not to let the world be destroyed.'
'Oh brilliant,' I said. 'We don't even know where we're going for starters. I'm not taking the blame if the apocalypse comes just because I got lost.'
'Now that I can help you with,' said Nina. 'Has anybody got a piece of card with the words “Not today, thank you” written on it?'
Amber, Dan and I shrugged while Horatio patted his pockets before holding his hands up apologetically. 'Can't think where I've left mine,' he said.
Nina frowned. She got a pair of scissors from drawer, a packet of cereal from a cupboard and sat on one of the chairs, shuffling it toward the table. She set about cutting out one of the larger sides of the cereal packet.
'There's a large element of British Magic that's based on manners,' she explained as she cut. 'There are incantations based on how you take your tea, the correct way to address a Duchess and helping old ladies across the road. In the right circumstances if you politely refuse to accept the existence of magic you can stop it from working – for a short while. Pen!' Nina held her hand out, waiting for someone to fetch her what she wanted. Dan still had a biro in the pocket of his Golden Olden Times polo shirt – he handed it to her.
'What use is that to us?' complained Amber. 'We're trying to get the thing to work properly. We don't want to switch it off.'
Nina wrote “Thank you” on the card from the packet twice as large as she'd written “Not today”. She reached for the Lodestone and placed it in the centre of the table. The arrow shifted to maintain the direction it had stubbornly stuck to all this time. Nina then held up the card, showing it to everybody in the kitchen one at a time.
'Yes we do,' said Nina. 'We only want in to work in the direction that will lead us to the scrolls.' And with that she placed the card immediately in front of one of the arrows two points, taking a second to ensure the writing was the right way up after initially putting it on its side.
Nothing happened.
'Oh, I don't believe this,' said Amber. But Nina didn't seem disappointed. She smiled and moved the card so that it was now in front of the arrow's second point. Straight away it fell slack, just hanging there loosely at the end of its strings. Nina turned the Lodestone upside-down and again the arrow hung limply, obeying gravity but paying no attention to any other force (yes, I know the string is also exerting a force on the arrow and that's why the system is in equilibrium. You know what I mean. Nobody likes a smart alec). That is until Nina lifted the card out of the way when it then pulled against its strings as it sought the direction of the Scrolls once more.
'Not bad, eh?' said Nina.
'I don't get it,' said Amber. No surprise there, then.
'That's the way toward the Scrolls,' I said, pointing in the same direction as the second arrow head. 'Putting the card there blocked their influence on the Lodestone. When you put the card at the other end there was no influence from that direction to block so the arrow still worked.'
'Simples,' said Nina.
Horatio followed the line of the arrow over to the window and looked out in roughly the same direction.
'That's north-east, more or less,' he said. 'Be impossible to tell exactly where its coming from without some sort of triangulation. I think we'd have to go at least as far as somewhere like Sheffield to get another reading.'
Nina tapped him on the shoulder. 'We?'
'Yes, “we”,' replied Horatio. 'Don't pretend you hadn't already decided to help with this quest of theirs.'
Nina pouted. 'I hadn't completely decided yet.'
'Yes you had.'
'Don't pretend you know me, Horatio.'
'I ought to, after 300 years.'
'Yes, you ought to. That's the point.' Nina turned to the rest of us. 'Anyone for Sheffield?'
More soonliest.
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