Hello. You are reading this. I have written this. This is because I am a writer.
Today I have been talking about writing. This is even better than actual writing, purer perhaps. This is why I talk more than I write. It's not that I'm skiving, it simply is the best way of going about it. No, really.
Quite often, sometimes as much as once every three years, I'm asked for tips on writing. Understandably. And although no-one asked me today here for you now are my top 5 tips if you want to do some writing. Like what I do.
5) Write in green ink. I used to have a special green pen, but now I have one of those four-colour pens and I just use the green button on that.
1) Steal other people's ideas. It's really hard thinking of stuff to write. Fortunately today the internet gives you access to literally dozens of other people's writings. Your new friends are the buttons ctrl+c and ctrl+v. For example, this particular entry has been copied from the blog for Jan 30th 2007 of someone called Hilary Brown.
2) If you're going to swear, swear. Don't use made up words it looks lumping stupid.
3) Always write the ending first. Once you've got that out of the way it is very easy to wrap things up if you get bored with what you are writing. Which you will do, believe me. You can just put in something like 'six months later...' and your readers will do all the work of filling in all the bits that lead up to the last part. But don't forget to put the end back where it belongs. It'll look daft if you leave it as the first bit.
4) There is no story that can't be made better by the addition of robots. Or women kissing. Shakespeare knew this, Coronation Street knew this, heck, James Joyce's Ulysses has both in. It's not a cheap gimmick, it's a literary device. Like adverbs. Go ahead. It'll be fine. Car and/or helicopter chases are pretty cool too.
So there you go. There's no 'write' or wrong way to write (although I don't see the point of poetry if I'm honest. It really ticks me off the way you have pay the same - and quite often more! - as a proper book for something with - what? - less than a tenth as much writing. That's just a rip-off) but if you take into account these simple pointers you'll be well on the way to emulating my style and success.
More soonliest.
I note that you say 'writer' and not 'successful writer'? Am I reading too much into this, or is that implied?
ReplyDelete.. however for me, Ian Rankin sums it up quite well, "Get lucky, stay lucky" ... now this woman called Joanne... err never mind.