It doesn't matter how many weeks notice you have it invariably ends up being a last minute dash. What am I talking about? It's Mum's birthday on Friday.
I've found the post to be pretty reliable on the card front. Usually if you post it first class the day before it gets there ok (it was Scary Dave's birthday last Friday and I posted his card Thurs. I always forget whether his address is 14 or 16 and this year, convinced that I always pick 14 and it's wrong I went against my hunch and put 16. I haven't checked in with him yet, what with one thing and another this weekend (that's a feeble excuse in this age of instant messaging, isn't it?) Dave, if you're reading this nonsense did you get your card all right? Hope you had a lovely day. I'll ring soon.) so I'm quite happy to dash on my lunch on Thursday. No, the gift is a more strategic thing.
Now some of you out there - the less enlightened if I may be critical for a second - are saying 'why not get the present in plenty of time and then there won't be any uncertainty?' You have a point, but leaving everything to the last minute does give you more time to come up with a really good idea. And sending a present so early that it sits around for days is just a tease and frankly impolite.
Things are simpler today, especially for those of us seperated by many miles from our loved ones. Buying stuff on Amazon and the like means you get it cheap and delivered. Win/win! I know there are options for gift wrapping but I've come to believe that the jiffy bag or cardboard thing your present comes in is a stylish alternative. I for one am always excited to see the web addresses of all the international Amazon sites (Amazon.de! Amazon.jp!) on the packaging. Bows and shiny paper pale in comparison. Well techinically they're brighter, what with the cardboard being a bit brown and all that, but you know what I mean.
I don't know what it's like in your family but in the run up to a birthday or Christmas the ritual usually goes something like this: you ask the person what they want for their birthday; despite having their eye on something for the past 6 months they can't think of anything at the time of asking; you buy something you think they might like; they open it on their birthday and hate it; they remember at this point what they really wanted and berate you for not having the necessary psychic awareness to have chosen it.
We usually call this unwanted present 'a pig in a poke' (your old friend Wikipedia has the details on the charming origins of this phrase). At Christmas it can sometimes be looked on with affection as one of those bonus presents that you don't mind being a bit rubbish (e.g., I got you that DVD you actually remembered to ask for and a pig in a poke), but the birthday version can be a bit trickier.
It's funny, I quite used to like gift vouchers, but I can't get my head around those gift cards they do now, the ones you swipe. They don't seem as satisfying somehow.
For parents, there's usually a CD of some description especially designed for just this sort of thing. For some years, Rod Stewart's Great American Songbook series fit the bill admirably
That got up to Volume 5, but they haven't done any new ones recently (I've just looked - they've got a 'Best of...' out. That's no good - she's got them all! Mind you, I did manage to get me dad two versions of the same DVD of the 1969 FA Cup Final (City 1, Leicester City 0). It even had the same bonus: the 1956 final (City 3, Birmingham City 1). At least next year I can get him the 2011 final (er, City 1, Stoke City 0. Hey, they're all against other teams called City. Fancy that!) :)). She's read all the Catherine Cooksons so that's a dead end and I'm not nearly well schooled enough to risk a Cookson-a-like.
Live update! Mum's just been on the phone. She'd like a art book - if they do one of Brent Lynch or Brian Jacks. No hang on, that's that Judo bloke who won Superstars. Brian James. Basically any of those artists from the very specific genre of being a bit like Edward Hopper or Jack Vettriano (you know, some of his prints are actually quite smutty).
Didn't think me mum was into that sort of thing.
Hmm, I've had a quick look and I don't think they've got a book out (not Jack or Edward - apparently mum's already got books on them). Back up choice was a CD of Bond Themes. Excellent. Good excuse for me to bob in a Bond title sequence designed by the genius of Maurice Binder. I know - Carly Simon from The Spy Who Loved Me, you know, the one with the underwater Lotus Esprit. That was ace.
If you're wondering what to get me for my birthday I'd like some dandruff shampoo for my beard, please.
More soonliest
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