The Java Jive

The First of April Two Thousand and Fourteen. Tuesday.

When did I become a coffee addict? It wasn't that long ago that I was saying I was back on the tea, but the stuff I've been drinking recently (PG Tips for the record) isn't really doing it for me. And yet I've stuck to it for the most part as I've overdone it somewhat with the coffee recently.

A few weeks ago I was on a late shift at work so I would spend my mornings downing a cafetiere of coffee and enjoying a couple of bagels while watching Game of Thrones. Yes, I've only recently got on that particular bandwagon and for the most part I am enjoying it. I did literally spit out a mouthful of sesame, Philadelphia and proprietary brand Marmite substitute when a horse got decapitated, but other than that it has been very entertaining. Never been much of a connoisseur so my coffee of choice was Sainsbury's half-caff, which might be a bit gimmicky, but I like the way Sainsbury's have a wire strip thing that makes it easy to reseal your packet.

I used to scratch my head trying to figure out how they managed to take out only half of the caffeine. Did they stop the process half way through? Did they take decaffeinated coffee and add some of it back? I had to actually read the label before I realised what actually  went on. The obvious does escape me with alarming regularity.

Add to this all the instant coffee I drink at work. Drinks often go cold as we busily serve the Great British Public with all their ticketing needs so when a fresh brew is on offer I tend to neck the cold dregs and start the process all over again with a full mug. And the week just buzzes along quite merrily until circumstances change and then the crash occurs.

Last Saturday I attended a Family Sign Language day at our local children's centre. Dehydration from various central heatings, plus squinting through my glasses for a couple of hours at the signed presentation, plus a sudden removal of caffeine after a couple of weeks of submersion all conspired to give me the mother of all headaches. Forgive my imperfect understanding of biochemistry, but as I understand it it's the dehydrated body's demand for various chemicals that it nicks from the brain that causes the pain. I'd heard that the potassium et al in bananas could help to mitigate this, but all I had on hand was an apple so I gave that a go instead.

It's fair to say that my body took on some of the qualities of an exciting FA Cup tie - that is to say it opened up at both ends. The pain made me nauseous and an acidic apple didn't help either. After the family signing day I was lucky enough that my pre-ex-mother-in-law could look after Number 2 son for a short while enabling me to get some rest. When she finally delivered her charge to my pale, washed-out visage she was suitably taken aback by my corpse-like appearance that she even offered to stay overnight (at the big house, not my modest flat) to look after her grandson. It was a very kind offer, but I knew the symptoms of my 'caffeine hangover' wouldn't last too long. I returned to my bed, placing a fiver in Number 1 son's hand telling him to sort out chips for tea for him and his brother. This he did, sorting out teatime nicely, only falling down when trying to coax the DVD player to work. I am proud to say that even in my absence, the boys attempted to watch Doctor Who with their chips.

I haven't touched proper coffee since. I really don't want to go through all that again. But...

The tea isn't really doing it. I would kill for a really nice mug of coffee (the best coffee I've ever tasted was from D'aiuto's bakery in New York - home of the Baby Watson cheesecake. And I've just googled it to find it closed last year. Rotten 'eck.). I never used to like coffee. The tide turned with a combination of Twin Peaks and my Then Girlfriend's love of black coffee. Tea is the English eccentric's drink of choice, to the point where it's become something of a cliché now (although I do like an Earl Grey with me cheesecake). One of the many genius things Russell T Davies does when reintroducing the world to Doctor Who in that first episode just about nine years ago is have the Doctor ask Rose for a cup of coffee. He already travels in time and has two hearts - he doesn't need any tawdry quirks (cf with him messing with a deck of cards). Love that episode.

I've been knackered all week too. The weather's getting nice now. Maybe it'll be ok to ease back in with a frappuccino...

Maybe.

More soonliest.