I have finally applied for the Level 2 British Sign Language Course, something I have been meaning to do for months. And I am terrified. Oh, the brain pod knows I can do it. But the second - the very second - I clicked the 'confirm' button I could feel my heart rate increase and the muscles in my neck knot themselves up. I still have nightmares where I am due for an exam that I have not revised for even twenty years after the last time I was invigilated. I've never imagined that I was naked in any of them, but I put that in the title because, lets face it, nudity sells. Flabby, forty-four year old nudity.
It's anticipation of that anxiety (yes, you read that right. I worry about becoming anxious - all very meta, I'm sure, but not very helpful) that has stopped me from applying before. Bless 'em, the BSL courses website doesn't make it obvious how to go about continuing your studies (I somehow stumbled through level 1) and I experienced the very same feeling that caused me to stop at the first hurdle last time I thought about applying. But this time I persevered. My reward was a course that has gone up in price since when I should have got on with it, so well done me - my feebleness defined in monetary terms.
So as you can see, I am not a newcomer to the world of stress. But it's not a situation without hope. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I turn to the experts, namely fitness spokesperson, author and model Dr Knox.
He is definitely a doctor - that is definitely a stethoscope.
It was his recommendation the led me to waleshypnosis.com (there is also harleystreetclinic.net but I'll have no truck with that Harley Street crowd after my last face lift went south. Mind you the Virtual Gastric Band sounds tempting...) Apparently this guy was taught by the guy who taught Paul McKenna. A man of many talents a quick shufti through the menu reveals that once you have shed the necessary pounds (of weight/cash/delete as applicable) you can go on and revisit your past lives. Dr Martin is 'open-minded' about this controversial subject. Open minded to the tune of £47 a session).
Of course when I heard Dr Knox talk about 'Whale's Hypnosis' I was very excited. The thought of our cetacean cousins practicing mesmerism excited me greatly. I soon realised my mistake, but my research quickly led me to an altogether more deadly marine hypnotist - the cuttlefish.
All of which turned out to be counter-productive. After watching that I was even more anxious than ever! D'oh!
More soonliest.
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