It was my sister, May, that had it. My notebook, I mean. She'd written Dan's phone number in there and borrowed it, fully intending to copy it into her phone, but had never got round to doing it. Anyway, I didn't see my notebook again until May came home for Christmas.
Sorry. I've dived in without explaining stuff there. Some of you might remember that a bit ago I was telling you the story of how I discovered that my idiot sister was the chosen one in this quest thing to stop a couple of highly strung cat demon witch types from destroying (slash) remaking the world in their own image. Or something.
What's that? You don't remember? Hmm, sorry, that's my fault. It has been a while. Let's see if I can remember the important stuff.
My name's Carl Thorpe (yes, I remembered that bit. Ha-ha, didn't need any help with that) and I was making a record of all the weird things that happened to me, my sister Amber and a bunch of other people after a bloke from the Italian Renaissance turned up at our house one night (well, it was kind of one day – look, it's kind of complicated to explain. You might want to go back to the beginning of all this and start from there if you haven't come across my earlier scribblings on all this nonsense).
Basically, there's these two cat demons called Lucia and Lisa who are looking for something called the Tabula Rasa scrolls that will let them rewrite the whole of reality from scratch. They have evil minions called conataurs, which look like idiots with traffic cones on their heads, but the cones actually are their heads. Our mum and dad have been turned into conataurs, so as well as saving the world we're trying to figure out a way to get them back to normal.
We're trying to get to these scrolls before the demon sisters do. We found and item called the Chianti Lodestone that is like a geiger counter for magic stuff and we're using it to locate the whereabouts of these scrolls. We picked up the lodestone at one of those historical gift shops and along the way we also picked up Dan, a bloke who works there. He pretty much had to come with us as a tram smashed into the shop and almost killed everyone. That's not as important as the fact that he's one of our team now – don't go worrying too much about all the stuff that's gone before.
We've also picked up a couple called Horatio and Nina who have turned out to be and ex-genie and her ex-master. They've been around for hundreds of years and they're pretty clued up on all this magic stuff so they've been giving Amber and me a few pointers. They're the ones that pinpointed the location of the Lodestone as being somewhere in the North Sea in a place called the Isle of Beep. Yeah, beep, it's weird how that comes out even when you try and write it down – it's as if the real name has been censored somehow. But that's what it is actually called – The Isle of Beep.
Since this island is a mystical neverland of legend we've all had to get special new passports to visit. We've gone to the issuing office in Durham, which is handy because that's where, May, my other less idiotic sister is at university. We'll probably catch up with her later.
Right, well, the point is I'd got up to the point in the story where we'd reached the passport office and then I lost my notes! Or at least had them nicked like I said at the beginning of this little recap.
Yeah, I had notes written on paper. That's not fair – I really wanted to get an iPad. I could have had all this written out from the off instead of having to type it all up again just because my parents are convinced I'd break it if I had one. It would have been dead handy on the quest (well, for the parts of it that had good wi-fi which, now I think about it, there weren't many of). But there's no point moaning now, I've got my notebook back now and I can continue telling the rest of the story. I'm going to repost the beginning of the last chapter again as well – a bit like rewinding a recording a bit so you remember what just happened.
I haven't wasted my time while I didn't have my notes, though. I got the box set of all three series of The Inbetweeners and The Inbetweeners Movie and I've been watching them while waiting for my research to turn up.
Oh, and there was that time I was attacked by the leader of the conataur cavalry and barely escaped with my life, but that's another story.
For now, let's get back to the tale I like to call My Idiot Sister is The Chosen One.
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