Out of Synch

The Twenty-Eighth of November Two Thousand and Twelve. Wednesday.

Time travel is complete and utter bunkum.

No, really it is. Don't even try it. I did and something like this happened:

There is no way you can get it to work in the real world and I should know. I've attempted many different experiments with little effect (there was that one occasion I jumped back five seconds, but that only happened once and let's face it, what good is five seconds to anyone?)

No, time travel is a narrative device and nothing more. You stick a pin in a moment, usually with words, but it can be pictures or film or any other recorded medium. And then you stick another pin in a bit later but you say that that pin is from before the first pin. And depending on how well you've thought about those pins it either all adds up, goes round in circles, doesn't quite add up but you get away with it because it's very satisfying or doesn't add up at all and you cry foul even though even the most thoroughly considered time travel narrative doesn't really make sense.

Do you know, this won't help but it's been ages since I've done a graph so let me chuck this one in for no particular reason:

The nearest thing there is to time travel is synchronicity - when meaningful things seem to happen at the same time. This collision of the timelines of two or more objects following their normal path through spacetime is an entirely linear phenomenon but the effect of one timeline changing another ("Aunt Margaret! What are you doing here at this entirely unexpected hour? You're supposed to be in Australia") is a form of 'changing history'. Probably.

I went to see Looper again tonight, and for all its time travel nonsense it is actually very good and as a result qualifies as my Ninth Film Recommendation. As an exercise in world building it's brilliant - the detail of the future world the story takes place in is outstanding. The performances and the direction are fantastic too, but all the time travel stuff in it is completely bobbins. Mind you, I was experiencing my own time travel problems because I was attempting to listen to the Theatrical Commentary Track from director Rian Johnson that I had downloaded to my iPod Shuffle. The idea was to listen to the commentary while in the cinema. To synch it up Johnson suggested starting the track as the TriStar logo appeared. But there was no TriStar logo! I don't know if there was one on the American release, but I was lagging a short way behind from the start. With a careful bit of fast forwarding and then pausing I eventually got it to keep pace with the film, but it went a bit out again when the reels were changed at one point. I got most of it, though and synched up in plenty of time for the climax. Which I won't reveal here now, but in an act of paradoxical time travelling I will reveal it in exactly one year's time. I hope that's enough of a spoiler warning.

In fact, here's a little bit of time travelling for anyone who is kind enough to read this particular blogdule. I will attempt to rewrite the next sentence every day for as long as I can remember.

Exactly forty-four years ago to the day, in order to memorialise the brave deeds of that mysterious group, a statue of the Termagants, cast in the peculiar metal retrieved from the wreckage of their spaceship, was erected in Nova Square.

I accidentally deleted the wrong bit of this. It originally said something about how to time travel you must make sure you have had plenty of riboflavin.

More soonliest.

Doesn't Bear Examination

The Sixteenth of August Two Thousand and Eleven. Tuesday.

I learned something today.

No, really. And officially. For the last few weeks I've been doing an online course in British Sign Language (BSL). No2 son is moderately deaf and supports his speech with signing, so his mum and I thought it was time we made a concerted effort to learn to sign. We've picked up stuff from one day courses and the like, and Shu Shu is learning all the time being with him but this is the first time we've sat down with a view to earning a qualification. The course isn't cheap and we were very grateful to receive help from the Robert Dent Memorial Fund toward its cost.

The Level 1 course comes in three progressively more difficult units. It's pretty cool, the lessons are streamed online as videos and then you have regular Skype sessions with your tutor. Tonight was a scheduled tutorial with what looked like an assessment scheduled for next week.

I am 42 years old and I graduated as a mature student from a degree course at the age of 27. Yet I still have nightmares about exams.

Seriously, even a couple of months ago I have awoken in a cold sweat from a dream where I have my O level exam the next day and I haven't done any form of revision (despite what you might have heard that isn't what really happened!). In the bizarre dream world I clearly remember saying myself saying something along the lines of 'I have a degree - I don't need to do this exam,' but still being terrified.

Nothing quite as bad as that tonight - and besides it was only a tutorial. I had reviewed the material and had a fairly good grasp of it, but I wasn't too worried as I would have another week to hone my skills.

Before the Skype connection rang I was pacing up and down like a man waiting to be called back into court for sentence to be passed. I can't believe how stressed I was getting for what was only going to be a quick 15 min chat.

The time came and I muddled through. Part of the unit is being able to clearly ask for signs to be repeated if needed and I think I mastered that pretty well - I did it often enough! I stumbled through the rest of the conversation, touching on the assigned topics (weather, directions, general introductions) fairly well and getting a sense of most of what was being said. Like any new language, I don't think I got everything that was being said but I got the gist. You get the chance later to have a look at a recording of the session so you can review your own performance. Suffice to say I haven't picked up the courage to do that yet.

Anyhoo, as the conclusion was reached and my tutor thanked me, she said 'that's it - unit 101 completed'. That tutorial was used as my assessment! I think the idea was that I'd done well enough (as had Shu Shu earlier) that a seperate formal assessment wasn't necessary - all the main stuff had been covered. I had effectively taken an exam without realising it. There was a momentary sense of relief but then I couldn't help thinking I could have prepared a little more thoroughly. Blimey, if I was this nervous (and I was still wound up afterward) without realising I was doing an assessment what was I going to be like when a scheduled one came along.

So somehow I have managed to complete the first quarter or so of my course. I have formally learned something for the first time in years - gosh I feel young again. But also do I feel a young man's fear. Oh, the older and wiser one tries to take control, but I still can't shake the feeling that there might well be an exam tomorrow that I've completely forgotten about - and I've got to cram for it.

How can I go to bed now? Quick where are my notes? There are no notes! Why are there no notes? What's happening? Arrgh!

Here's a quick video to finish. Some of this is stuff that was covered in the first part of the course.

More soonliest.